This just happened a few hours ago:
Group of sperm whales (Physeter macrocephalus), with one defecating
You know? I really seem to have a knack for getting poo-ed on by whales.
Archive for Funny Stuff 
Whale Poo-ed Again
Group of sperm whales (Physeter macrocephalus), with one defecating
Ping Pun
My time between trips is always a mad scramble to download and backup files, attend to miscellaneous errands, catch up on correspondence, get camera stuff sorted, unpack and re-pack, get some sleep(?), etc.
Given how crazy-hectic things are, I’m always short on time. It would therefore be logical to stay focused and attack my monstrous to-do list with maximum vigour.
Logical perhaps, but not really feasible…given how prone I am to distractions. Particularly entertaining ones.
Following is an example of one such distraction that transpired over nearly four hours yesterday morning…excerpts from an exchange of bad puns with a bird-brained friend who derives inordinate (bordering on sadistic) pleasure in subjecting innocent bystanders to cringe-worthy awful puns.
To be fair, in this instance…I asked for it. I could’ve just read and deleted his initial email without replying and goading him on…but I just couldn’t resist.
To protect the guilty, I won’t name my friend, but I’m sure some of you…the poor souls who know him or happen to be related to him…will figure it out right away.
Fair warning…If you can’t stand atrocious puns and related butchering of language, skip the rest of this post!
Friend: My wife’s favorite white bird, the egret, has been visiting us more recently.
White are my feathers;
Graceful are my neck and wings.
I am elegance.
(Note: Said friend also enjoys conveying information in haiku form.)
Me: I’m tempted to engage in a pun exchange but I hesitate, for fear that I’ll egret it. (Note: See? I asked for it.)
Friend: Yes, you’d hear about it from now to the great heron…(Note: Groan. But believe it or not, it gets worse from here.)
Me: My fault for opening my big mouth. I never learn. I feel like such a turkey.
Friend: That’s what you get for giving me the bird.
Me: I must cry fowl.
Friend: ‘Tis a fowl, fowl better thing that you write than you have ever written…
Me: Now you’ve scared the Dickens out of me and I just feel like sticking my head in the sand.
Friend: Careful, in Hawaii we cook things that are stuck in emus.
Me: I’m fast enough to take flight and make myself as scarce as a dodo.
Friend: Great Awk, fly carefully and don’t crane your neck–you certainly don’t want to extinct yourself.
Me: I’ll certainly endeavor to avoid such a swan song.
Friend: I make it a cardinal rule not to carry on the puns long enough to drive my friends stork raving mad, so I’ll stop here.
Note: And with that…I waved the white flag of surrender and got back to work (actually, on to other engaging distractions).
Update: Notable replies I received from friends:
“This had me crowing with laughter.”
“Well, owl be damned!”
Doppelgänger
Continuing with my ongoing series of posts featuring Stupid Tony Tricks, here’s one that I didn’t even have to be present for (how’s that for efficiency?):
Me as Vera Wang. Or is it Vera Wang as me?
This snapshot comes via my friend Eric Cheng, who saw a copy of this magazine at Fashion Week in New York.
I did a double-take when I saw the cover photo, because, well…that’s me!
I know I’m getting increasingly absent-minded, but one would think that I’d recall posing for Fashion Week. Especially with pizza, ’cause I love pizza. Eating it anyway, not so much the making part.
Anyway, being the kind of friend(?) that he is, Eric immediately posted the flattering photo to Facebook, tagged me, and asked if I design wedding dresses in my spare time.
It took me a while to realise that the face on the cover is supposed to be Vera Wang, a famous wedding dress designer.
For avoidance of all doubt, I’d like to state for the public record that I have never (knowingly) designed a wedding dress, and otherwise have no connection to Vera Wang (except that we’re both Chinese of course, and she might just like pizza as much as I do).
As successful as she is, Vera must be quite switched on. So I’m sure she would have the good sense to disavow any connection to me as well, however remote or far-fetched.
(Thanks Eric…I think.)
Me At Work
I’m back at home for about a week in between trips. It’s winter. It’s cold. In order to save energy, we only turn on the heat when absolutely necessary. So here I am keeping toasty-warm while editing photos:
This is how I roll in winter
For the inevitable wise-cracks: Don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it!
Scat Trick
So I’m sitting at dinner with three women and two guys.
I proudly proclaim that I’ve scored my first scat trick, which leads to immediate chuckles from the guys…but bewildered silence from the women.
Picture cute Japanese manga characters with baffled expressions, over-sized eyes going “blink, blink, blink” with incomprehension…and you get the idea.
Neon orange-red blue whale poo. Hue courtesy of the whale’s krill diet
The fact that I had to explain (several times) what a hat trick is, and then go on to clarify my clever cross-discipline comparison (athletics/ scatology)…well…sorta put a damper on the whole funny vibe I thought I had going. Oh well.
Anyway, in case you don’t know…”hat trick” is a term used in many sports to refer to achieving three of something, like scoring three goals.
I thought this was common knowledge, but as I learned from the befuddled expressions at dinner…obviously not.
Well, in the past few weeks, I’ve had purchasers for photographs of three different types of whale defecation.
Three. Hat Trick. Whale defecation. Scat Trick. Witty. Right?
Well I thought it was.
Humpback whale poo, soft-serve ice cream style
Sperm whale defecating in my general direction
In any event, it’s gratifying to know that I’ve established myself as the (under-appreciated) leader in the niche field of cetacean doo doo photos.
After the Rainbow
It’s been overcast and raining quite a bit since I took the photo of the double rainbow. This is what the stairs leading up from the dock looked like a few days ago…
Lots of rain = stairway transformed into a waterfall
Good thing my camera was in a housing!
Me At Work
I’ve received a number of emails recently, with text to the effect of: “Gee, you are so lucky. You seem to be having fun all the time.”
Granted, I most certainly enjoy what I do, but I don’t want anyone to be under the mis-impression that it’s all fun and games.
Please allow me to set the record straight, with a few photos from my present situation to illustrate my plight.
Here is my current office:
Front view of my office
Sure…it looks like paradise. But every day, I have to trudge back and forth through seemingly endless white sand, getting it between my toes and all over my gear. If I had more hair, I have no doubt that the ubiquitous white sand would completely permeate my hair as well…causing me even more irritation.
And that’s not all I have to put up with. Just take a look at my reception area:
Only basic furnishings in my reception area
Absolutely no furniture or fixtures. Just sand, sand and more white sand, with a few sand dollars and the occasional butterflyfish flitting by. Sheesh.
Even worse, when I want to have meetings, I have to put up with the most basic of facilities.
Check this out: My conference room has no oval table, speaker phone, white board, laser pointer…not even a decent WiFi signal.
I mean…How can I be expected to conduct a high-powered meeting or form a half-serious steering committee without all that stuff?
Sigh.
My conference facilities. No WiFi I’m afraid.
Now that you have a better understanding of the trials and tribulations I have to endure, I hope you’ll also have a better appreciation for how hard I work.
My New Friend
This is Otto. He’s a dog who lives on an island in Tonga. He’s funny. We’re now good friends.
My new friend, Otto the dog
Cook’s Lookout
When we climbed to the top of Cook’s Lookout on Lizard Island, the weather was kind of icky (note my command of esoteric meteorological terminology).
A unique combination of wind, elevated humidity, diminished barometric pressure and thin air characteristic of augmented altitude precipitated an outburst of what I can only call synchronised silliness:
A few of my illustrious travel companions
One For The Road
It’s time to hit the road again. Off to try my luck with the dwarf minke whales that visit the Great Barrier Reef each year at this time.
This will be my first time Down Under to play with these charismatic cetaceans, so it’ll be an interesting experience no matter how things go, especially since I’ll be with a great group of friends who have (inexplicably) volunteered to spend an extended period of time trapped on a boat with me.
The trip is going to be quite an international affair, with people representing Australia, Hong Kong, Taiwan, Sweden, USA, France, the UK, and Romania. The hodgepodge of backgrounds and cultures will makes me feel right at home!
Also, as a bonus…I’ll have a chance to abuse see Bob Halstead before the trip. It’s been a year since Bob has had the pleasure of my company, so he’s no doubt worked himself into a tizzy at the prospect of engaging in a round of stimulating discourse (i.e., flurry of mutual insults) with me.
Who knows? He might actually say something witty this time.
Conversations with Bob from Tony Wu on Vimeo.
Anyway…I thought I’d post one more photo before I head out. It’s a short-finned pilot whale (Globicephala macrorhynchus) that I came across last year in Palau.
There were several dozen together in a large pod, moving along, but not in any particular rush…behaving, in other words, as pilot whales often seem to do.
Ron Leidich and I were fortunate enough to spend a half hour or so flopping around in the water while these sleek cetaceans cruised along, doing their best to avoid being seen in proximity to us. They have standards, after all.
One of about 50 short-finned pilot whales (Globicephala macrorhynchus)
I came across in Palau. Note the scars located all over the animal’s body.
I’ll be offline for a while. Hopefully I’ll come back with some nice photos of dwarf minkes to share, but if I don’t, I’ll just blame Bob.
Turned Turtle
This will probably end up being one of my all-time favourite photos:
Upskirt shot of an immodest female hawksbill turtle
Hmmm…wonder what that says about me?
Blue Whale Poo
So I’m cruising along, and I see a blue whale take a massive dump. Naturally, I get in and swim through it:
That’s no surprise really, given my “talent” for being poo-ed upon by massive marine mammals (sperm whale poo, humpback whale poo, humpback whale poo too).
The unexpected, and entertaining part of the experience though, was that my (previously dignified) friend Serene also jumped in and swam through the pungent potage.
After we got back on the boat, she said: “That has to be the grossest thing I’ve ever done.”
To which my reply was: “See how much your life has improved since getting to know me?”
(Julia also jumped in, but I already expected nothing less from her.)
